How to accept where you are so you can keep progressing as a recovering addict

Introduction

Those who suffer from mental health and addiction problems often face problems around the issue of control. We see the environment around us changing in ways we may or may not agree with, and think about how we’d like to influence the people and things around us. Most of us have good intentions, but the result is typically that we become dissatisfied with the hand life dealt us. It may also result in animosity between us and those around us. These problems can result in our addictions becoming worse, in an attempt to control the things around us. The thing is: we were meant to have domain over this realm. So having a desire for some level of control in our lives is healthy and natural. The problem is when it leads to destructive behavior instead of leading to healthy authority over your particular domain.

So, how do we find this balance? The solution is to take an accepting inventory of your current circumstances in an honest and understanding way. From there, we can brainstorm avenues to achieve our goals in a healthy and realistic way. In this article, we’ll also discuss how to accept where you are even when we’re experiencing constant setbacks and how to let go of things that we are struggling with holding on to.

Onward!

Drafting your “acceptance inventory”

An acceptance inventory is a list of all the circumstances in your life categorized by how much influence you truly have over it. Some things you have complete control over: your decisions/reactions, for example. Other things you have no control over: the fact that you have to eat food, drink water, and sleep in order to survive. Many aspects of our life fall somewhere in the middle, where we share the responsibility for that influence with others. When we see the reality of our circumstances in black and white, it helps us to accept the things we cannot change while working on the things that we can change.

In recovery, it helps to remember the HOW: Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness. Creating an acceptance inventory should bring together all three of those pillars. Your list can grow over time, but you should be as exhaustive as possible from the get-go. We may realize we have some influence over things that we’ve been giving our power away from. Conversely, we may realize we have little to no influence over things we’ve been dedicating a lot of effort towards changing.

The goal of this step is not to change our responses yet, but just to arm ourselves with the knowledge of how effectively we’ve been dedicating our energies. We may realize that a lot of our bad habits stem from a lack of acceptance around circumstances outside of our control. We don’t have much control over a mental health diagnosis, but we do have control over our addictions. Realizing what we can change and what we can’t can bring us a sense of serenity and light a fire under us to change those things we have power over.

Changing those things that are within your authority

Once you’ve created your acceptance inventory and had some time to reflect on it, you can then move on to the part we all hope for: how to change our circumstances. We can reflect on areas where our efforts would be best invested, as well as areas where we’re currently spending too much energy. As for the latter, things we can’t control are best to let go and let God. One affirmation that has given me a sense of serenity is “I’m grateful that things work out better than expected”. Feel free to customize it to best suit you, perhaps by changing “things” with “my circumstances”. One thing to remember with affirmations is that even if you don’t believe them at first, as you repeat them to yourself your subconscious begins to ingrain them into your new self.

Once you’ve determined how to shift your efforts to things within your control, you should order those changes by which you would like to reorient first. It’s best to only change up to 3 minor habits, 2 medium habits, or 1 major habit at a time.

After you’ve determined which action(s) you’d like to change first, draft a plan for how you will alter your life to be more aligned with the circumstances you wish to manifest. Remember, a seed has to be planted, watered, and nourished to grow, but it also has it’s own growth mechanisms that should be honored and respected. If you keep trying to plant a seed and you aren’t bearing any fruit, you may be planting it on faulty foundations, or it may be a bad seed in disguise. Be sure to seek discernment, wisdom, and Truth in all your endeavors.

Accepting where you are when experiencing many setbacks

Sometimes, we become so used to blessings that we don’t even acknowledge them with thanks until they start to dry up. Conversely, there are periods of our life where it seems like as soon as we put out one fire, two more spring forth to take its place. Handling both the downturns and the upswings with as much grace as the Lord is willing to provide you is how we can ensure our harvest season is managed wisely and our droughts are handled scrupulously.

Of course, these are lessons that I’m still learning as well, so the following advice is moreso a conversation with the recovery community than some sort of sage appraisal. However, I have learned being grateful for the blessings we’re provided tends to produce new blessings, while ruminating on things we wish to change but have no power over only produces more things which we are powerless to control. With that in mind, the way forward is obvious: focus your attention on efforts that you can continue to flow with. For example, I’ve felt more centered and empowered since sharing my experience on this blog.

If you focus your attention on accepting how things are, then resistances tend to melt and it’s easier to flow through life. I’m not saying that I’m anywhere near a zen master, or that I always accept my circumstances (at least not yet). However, I have gotten better at catching myself in moments of despair and changing my point of view to something more healthy than resisting everything around me. If your circumstances are meant to change how you’re hoping, then they will. You may be doing something to delay it unknowningly, but it will always find you. Enjoy the journey, be content with the blessings you currently have, and when you finally get there, do your best not to forget about all the promises you made to yourself and others about what you’d do when you finally got what you wanted.

How to let go of things we’re struggling to hold on to

Whether it’s pain, trauma, unforgiveness, a bad habit, or a toxic relationship, oftentimes we find ourselves in less than ideal circumstances because we continue to hold on to things that aren’t serving us. Thankfully, that’s part of the lesson of life. As we commit to the path of recovery, we gradually begin to let go of those things we used to be attached to. We become more detached and content, one day at a time.

It doesn’t have to be a complete 180, and rarely will that work out the way you envision. For example, I have almost a year sober from alcohol. I would really like to detach from my vape habit next, but both my sponsor and my grand sponsor firmly suggested I wait a bit longer before starting to detach from my vape habit. Their reasoning is I’m still learning tools and socialization in the recovery community, and my grand sponsor even mentioned his story of waiting 3 years into recovery before quitting his nicotine habit. Although it isn’t quite the path I was hoping to walk on, I recognize the wisdom of following those with more time on the recovery journey along with their connection with the Higher Power.

Depending on the habit, it can take between 21 to 90 days to reinforce a new action. But unlearning habits is a little different, because our brains are already wired to do those habits. So, even though you may feel free from your vice after three months, there’s still the precarious reality that your brain is wired to repeat that addiction. This isn’t to scare you, but rather to caution you to be careful about approaching your journey with initial zeal and then feeling burn out from not being patient. It’s a balancing act.

There are many ways you can detach from those circumstances that you’ve held on to. Meditation, yoga, qi gong, exercise, a healthy diet, relaxing music, and solfeggio frequencies are all good places to start. Remember, easy does it. Just the fact that you’re reading this indicates that you are investing in making your life better. You’ll live a life beyond your wildest dreams if you keep studying and keep the faith. As always, may the force be with you!

Conclusion

There’s a balancing act between working on where we want to go, and accepting where we already are. There’s always more to do and accomplish, so don’t let the constant grind of the rat race sap your joy in the moment. You’ll get to exactly where you need to be, when you need to get there.

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