Sensitivity in addiction

Many recovering addicts have had similar experiences: we used because we felt alone. Different. Like an outsider. In our active addiction, we believed we didn’t belong.

These beliefs and feelings further ingrained our trauma responses, and influenced our development. Many in addiction developed sensitivity and/or empathic skills in order to feel accepted by our environment and fellows.

As we go through our addiction journey, we realize we’re not so alone as we once thought. This brings a sense of comfort, but it also leaves us with the question: how do we deal with the sensitivity and empathy we have developed in addiction now that we’re sober?

The more we can go with the flow and accept things as they are, the happier and more content we become. As my sponsor likes to say “acceptance does not mean approval”. I also like to remind myself that things work out better than expected. We concoct all these worst-case-scenarios in our mind that rarely, if ever, actually come to pass. A gentle reminder that we’re a microcosm within the macrocosm, that we aren’t the center of the universe, and that we are Loved is often the best place to start when you feel overwhelmed about all the sensory and emotional energy you’re experiencing around you.

This reminds me of a quote from Seneca. “There are more things … likely to frighten us than to crush us. We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” (emphasis added). The sensitivity we develop in addiction may seem like a curse when we’re in the throws of an episode, however in many circumstances it can be viewed as a valuable gift to be honored and honed.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” - Proverbs 27:17. Having a healthy mix of friends in recovery as well as a community outside of the addiction sphere is a good way to keep your mental toolbox sharp and prepared. It’s often when we’re alone with our thoughts that our demons have reign to tell us a host of lies and bring forth our limiting beliefs.

As always, keep the Faith. “Keep coming back, it works if you work it.” “Faith without works is dead.”

Empathy in addiction

While empathy and sensitivity are related, they are to a degree distinct. Sensitivity can manifest via a host of different forms of energy: sunlight, sounds, the food and media we consume, as well as the decisions we make. Empathy is about resonating with the feelings and emotions of others.

That’s why so many addicts are prone to developing empathy as they go through recovery. In active addiction, we are so concerned with self seeking motives that if anything we may even be considered a “dark empath”. We want our drug(s) of choice and we use even when we know it hurts others, both near and far.

As we go through our recovery journeys many of us begin to think of ourselves less and thinking more about our fellows (“modesty is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less”). How we can help someone today? What can we do to be of service?

As with most things in life, it doesn’t change all at once. It’s incremental. As we follow the greatest commandment “Love God with all your heart, mind, and soul, and love your neighbor as yourself”, we come to know peace and serenity, just as is mentioned in the 12-step promises. It’s then that we see that our Higher Power had a plan for us all along : what used to keep us imprisoned has become an asset for contributing to those around us and freeing others from the bondage of slavery.

How to move forward as an empath in recovery

Some people take kindness for weakness, but those who remain sincere in the face of adversity know how hard it is to keep on being heartfelt when it seems like the whole world is against you. Consider your sensitivity and empathy as sacred gifts that should be shared with your community, family, and friends. “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself”.

At first, dealing with being an empath in recovery is likely going to be quite challenging. We numbed ourselves with our drug(s) of choice, so actually experiencing all the energy around us without those brake-stops can feel overwhelming. Breath deeply. Practice mindfulness. It may sound banal, but adding a little Zen to your day really can be life changing.

Just as we previously mentioned that spending time with others can help get us out of our head, we should also be prepared for our alone time so that we can retain our much-fought-for serenity. Meditation, exercise, reading, relaxing music, and journaling are all ways we can refine our mental health goals in the face of being an empath in recovery.

Learning to set healthy boundaries is also a lesson that we have to learn. In active addiction, we often let people walk all over us as long as we were getting our fix. There will still be times when people step on our toes, but as we gain more confidence we know when to choose our battles and when to let go and let live. Admittedly, I’m still learning this myself, but it’s something that gets better as we get older.

Conclusion

Whether you’re still in active addiction or have some clean time, it’s likely that your emotional toolkit is being developed, honed, and crafted in ways you couldn’t have anticipated when you first decided to use your drug(s) of choice. As someone I know in recovery says sometimes “the universe has your back”. Just for today, be thankful that you still have breath in your lungs and have the opportunity to make amends for your past. Pressure makes diamonds, and I hope you continue to be a glowing beacon of change for your bloodline, your community, and society at large.

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